2007 -Wow!

In the family Christmas Letters we sent this year, I wrote about my grandfather passing his view on time. "The older you get, the faster it goes." And as I type my year-in-review in the early AM of New Years Eve 07-08, I can do nothing but confirm pop-pop's hunch.

2007 started right, after having my first Holiday Season as a married man with my beloved wife Lysa and step-daughter Kayla. We had been living together over a year to that point and had dated Lysa for several years prior so it wasn't our first Christmas together, but Christmas 06 was extra-special. As Lysa said to me- and often- "Our first Christmas as Mr. and Mrs. Kaminski!". Little did we know it was also nearly our last.

February 12, 2007. Nearly. Close. Almost. The love and prayers from family and friends were the only thing that kept me alive. I thank God and thank all of you. Great teamwork!

Lysa says to me last night that for Valentine's Day this year she would like to do something EXTRA special, since the last one we spent in the hospital. I didn't let her see, but it made me cry. (She was so strong about all of that mess, and still is. She is gonna get a big head if I keep telling people about her.) But I agree- Valentine's Day this year is going to be very special.

Well, I got out of the hospital and on to rehab at home with drainage bags hanging from my ribs. I don't think I told many people, but all the pain and nightmares I experienced were worse than I ever let on. I just wanted to move on.

But after I got well enough, I tried to return to work. I missed all those guys! Well, shit happened between the manager and I and he pushed too far. I will never forgive him for some of the things he said. Ouch- I shudder to think when Karma catches up. Long story short, I had a doctor appointment and didn't go back. Not the wisest thing I could have done- especially as a reaction. But I never had words hurt like that.

So, my return to work lasted a whole month and was finished by the end of August. But a couple weeks later, I ended up being offered 2 jobs within days of each other. Ugh.. turns out the one I chose laid me off two moths later, just weeks before Christmas. Man, can I pick 'em or what?

But Christmas was just awesome regardless of all the assholes who were in any way detrimental to the lives of me and my family. AWESOME!

Ok.. let's wrap this up. IT'S NEW YEAR'S EVE, and dammit, I am gonna have me the GREATEST YEAR EVER. They gonna need to give me a TV show on VH1. You watch. Somehow. Someway.

I learned a lot this year. A lot about people, life, and bullshit. As much as I want to say I ain't ever gonna let the BS get to me I know it will, it's in my nature. But I am gonna work hard to just say "Eh, so what?" when I can get away with it. I am gonna make more time for family, friends and FUN. I've got to stop and enjoy life more than I used to. Yeah, responsibilities need to be taken care of.. and they will be.

But life is too damned short!

I've already made plans for next year, have a few hopes and dreamed up a few schemes. Some home repairs, bike upgrades, and weekend get-away rides with Lysa are on the books. But last-minute spontaneous events need to become more frequent.

Make sure you take time to enjoy life as well, hell, enjoy it with me if ya have to, but do it! Make sure you tell those you love that you do love them.. don't assume or take it for granted! Don't be too proud or stubborn, because you never know what the next intersection holds.

Ok, I know this is long and I let my brain wander.. and got busy after I started it this morning and ended up finishing it over 12 hours later.. so I end this now.

Happy New Year, and all my love to everyone!

I've returned!

Well, I have not been messing with any emails, posting on forums, nor even thought about this blog for the better part of 2-3 weeks.. probably longer on the posting and blogging. Don't get me wrong- I've really wanted to take the time to get into all the issues that are going on in our state, the country and the world. It's a good mental escape at the least and helping others - even helping those helping others- are great end results.

However, all that had to stop for a bit as I was looking for work and holy shit, it is a pain in the ass. I actually found a couple jobs that would have been acceptable early on during the search- if I was single- and 23. But a little patience and diligence paid off.

I was contacted by a headhunter/temp agency who did not initially explain their intent, and I blew it off. The following day I got a call from an email from a company who does both sales and installation of drop ceilings of various applications, and a few other specialty construction items. We emailed back and forth to arrive at an interview point and I went that afternoon. All went well and felt they were very interested.

The headhunters were not done. They called the next day asking once more if I was interested and gave a better explanation. I decided it was worth checking out.

The hiring company was based in England, with several small satellite offices worldwide (South Africa, Philippines, Australia and the good ol' USA.) They locate, buy and sell various items worldwide to continuous heavy duty industry.

Now, the place I interviewed with had called earlier in the day and offered a position, and even though the pay was a little light, the overall package was not bad and I accepted. So, when the second company asked me for salary requirements, I reached a tad. Not crazy, but pretty high.

Whew.. lost yet? So, the next day is Friday and I am scheduled to start the construction sales job on Monday and the UK company called and stated their interest, and made an offer. It was less than I had asked, and told them no. I made them another salary request and they said they would call Monday.

Hehe..

Yep. They called. And offered the money I asked for. I should have said 'tentatively', but I only said 'I accept', and said so while at work, of course. They wanted me to get my passport together to fly me over to the motherland for tea and training for about 2 weeks. So, before I did anything further, I sat down with one of the owners of the company informing him of my situation. Well, would ya believe he wanted to set down and talk about it? Well, he did, and we did. He ended up making the numbers work (close enough, anyway) to keep me abroad.

Now, the company from UK has since sent me an offer sheet for me to sign and return- which I have not- yet. I intend to send them an email Thursday night informing them of the developments. I'm curious if they will try and make a counter-counter offer or are just going to cut their losses and move on.. guess I'll know tomorrow.

Story over? Stay tuned!

Bam..

Well, a lot of things have happened since I've last blogged. Wait, that's a lie. Actually, not too much has happened but what DID occur has had me so pissed-off, confused and many other descriptive words that my poor brain - already adverse to normal function due to the accident - went into meltdown . Initial instinct wanted me to get on here just about immediately after afore mentioned occurrence and post the plethora of four-letter words that were freshly practiced verbally and certainly plentiful, but out of respect for those that peruse this blog I wanted to take time to sort my thoughts and ensure the ensuing rant would be accurate without every 3rd word rated xXx. That being said, this is a long story but I will make every effort to keep it a quick and easy read.

I was excited when the insurance companies and doctors approved my return to work after the accident. The company either couldn't fill my position with a worthy candidate during my absence or they truly tried to wait and see if I could return within a timely manner and reclaim my job. I believe they couldn't find anyone, but being as I had over 5 years in and I really enjoyed the job and most of the employees, it was a no-brainer. It was a huge step mentally and looked forward to again being a productive slave for da man, um- rather, a productive member of society.

Immediately, I sensed things were different everywhere in that building, and with every employee - and that was before I even got to add sugar to my coffee. After a near 5 month absence, I felt it proper to reintroduce myself to everyone and share my appreciation for the many thoughts and prayers. Turns out that 3 of the 9 people I spoke with that morning  pulled me aside to fill me in on some ugly stuff going on the past few months, and since I trust those that gave the scoops I became worried. Just over an hour into my first day back and I am already bumming. One hour later, a customer came to return a rental. Upon completing the paperwork we walked to the yard to get his truck unloaded and a mechanic on a forklift offered help and since I needed a forklift, I accepted. But somehow, in the eyes of the store manager, I was wrong. I was scolded for not going to get a forklift myself. I shrugged it off and got the customer on his way and then approached the manager to explain I didn't ask anyone to do anything, and the mechanic just happened to be there at the right time. Didn't matter, I was wrong, and was told I needed to do things for myself. I just agreed and went on with my day.

I started my second day determined to just start new. Ridiculous I needed to think that, but I figured maybe I was indeed somehow wrong and maybe I was just a little sensitive since the accident or something.

Part of the reason I enjoyed working there was that everyday presented new challenges but the core personnel worked together, like a family, to get the job done. There were ups and downs like anywhere else but I stayed because of the people. I was a salesman but did whatever it took to help everyone, and the last few weeks were an example of that. Due to vacations and being short employees I found myself working as a mechanic 7 days out of 10. Whatever, I didn't mind. I did what I could so the real mechanics could focus on other things.

Now, on Tuesday I had started early to open the store and stayed late because some things needed to be done. The next day I was called and asked to come in late because I had too many hours and they didn't want to pay me O.T. Quite ignorant, I thought, but again, whatever. I am just an employee doing as told.

So Thursday morning, this manager asks me for 'project x', and I tell him it's not ready, and after he asks why it's not complete I tell him 2 reasons. First, it's hard to complete office work when I am in the yard and garage. Secondly, when I am asked to work only 4.5 hours on the days I am in the office projects are difficult to complete.

Just before I am preparing to leave for my appointment the manager wants to chat. Well, kind of. He starts by raising his voice saying I should not question his decisions of the hours I work. I tried to comment when he started yelling, about what I don't know. I started blocking it out because I knew it was stupid and pathetic. But I started laughing  when he said that my numerous and never-ending doctor appointments were becoming detrimental to the business. He then stated that my injuries were not allowing me to completely and correctly complete my work. Yes, I was laughing, because I have never heard such BULLSHIT in my life. I have always given my all. I have always done my job, and sadly enough at that place, half the work of others. I am willing to do whatever, whenever, in order to satisfy the customer. And upon my return since the accident, I have NEVER once said I could not do something because of an injury. NEVER.

As his conversation ended, he also mentioned that if I was not able to cool off by the time my appointment ended to just go home for the day. I suppose he was afraid of more overtime?

I didn't know what to think. I was just disrespected to the point I wanted to rip out his throat. After my appointment I went home. I probably should have returned to work but I could not. After going what I went through just to live, and I have to hear this kind of shit? All I wanted was to return to work, return to life, and show I was back! But this asshole has a bad day and finds me an easy target.

I got a call from his assistant asking if I was coming back, and I simply said no. He asked if I was coming back the next day, and again, I said no.

Because of my actions, I am ineligible for unemployment and I can't file any real complaints because I never put any in prior to that day. So now I worry because I have no job, but plenty of bills. I still have responsibilities, but no way to take care of them. I let my pride take over, and I stress more and more everyday because of it. The job market isn't real healthy right now, and I think I've stressed myself to the point I am now sick.

I went from the highest of highs after beating death to now feeling low and extremely miserable over concern I will not be able to care for my family.

I don't have a way to close this entry, and the writing is not my best and even when considering it is a rant, it's difficult to read. If you have read all this, my apologies.

Nothing new, until now.. OBVIOUSLY

What? What's new??

Well, I was talking about the blog, actually. I did some housecleaning, and gonna fix the links sections a little nicer and add more. A bunch more, and put into groups that fit. It will be nice. Really.

But I have lots to say, as well. I just haven't been in a frame of mind to write. One topic has me so damned frustrated I can barely talk about it as I get stammering from anger, stuttering from confusion and tight-lipped from plain-old good upbringing. But once I do start on this, I suggest Momma Inch not read it directly, and maybe have my father translate what I mean.

Gah, I'm getting hot under the collar from just typing these few paragraphs. Maye I should just wait until tommorow, that way I can wake up, drink a Red Bull with all my morning medication, a cup of coffee to go along with my Flinstone's vitamin and then start weening off the caffiene so I can have a Pepsi or two with lunch.

TTYL

The Bike-B-Q! Man, let's do it again!

Well, it came and went.. And too damn fast!

(Links below to pictures)

Chainsaw and GirlGeek were sure to meet us bright and early Saturday morning, arriving with some really good potato salad which absolutely ensured this day was going to be a great one! Mrs. Inch was busy making me run late (just kidding- I was just doing final details for the cookout) so the four of us left the house a little after 9:30 and high-tailed to our ride staging area, the ChesDel Restaurant.

I admit to being a little misty-eyed when I saw so many bikes gathered for my ride. I didn’t want to just invite people along for the ride for the sake of having a large group and originally figured maybe 5 or 6 bikes. I was way wrong! I’m guestimating that there were 20 bikes, and would have been 3 more had we waited 5 minutes (Sorry Matt!) I was excited to see my Mom (Now known as Momma Inch in certain circles!) and Dad come to see us off, and they brought my 2 year-old niece Regan, who gave me a great kiss and hug, but was a little unsure of all the loud motorcycles. The send-off was also joined by Skip, one of the Christian Bikers who stopped by the hospital quite frequently to pray for me with my family and depending if I was cognizant, me. He was too busy to ride, but stopped by to say a short prayer to bring us safety and joy, and then I mumbled a few words to express my thanks to everyone. After the ladies made their last-minute pit stops, we were off!

The ride was short by most standards but inspiring. It wasn’t too hot during the first leg to Sambo’s in Leipsic, where we stopped for hydration and conversation. A few had to bail, but it’s understandable as life beckons. We got back on the sleds and went to a somewhat secluded boat ramp/fishing area where Chainsaw wanted to take a memorable picture of Lysa and I with the new bike on a very memorable day. As the heat increased, standing still in the sun was not an option. We moved quickly to the Augustine Inn for a final drenching before the BBQ. I looked for the infamous Merry-Go-Round, but the growth of brush and weeds was too thick for me to venture very far so that myth continues. Lysa was getting tired since this was her first ‘long’ trip on a bike in some time so we left a few minutes before everyone else so she could get changed and refreshed for the Eatin’ n Drinkin’ segment of the day.

Lysa’s mother Debbie came over early to help get last second prep ready, and after she finally got Kayla and her friend Carolyn awake, a marvelous job they did! Heck, even most of the beer was cold! Even though I was host, Chainsaw was just as important as he toiled not only as ride captain, but came over and barbequed some awesome burgers, chicken and dogs. I even managed to steal a few ideas that might get incorporated into my own style. We had plenty of food, desserts and drinks, so much I was thinking of how to stash chips and cookies in people’s saddle bags. Speaking of drinks, I had to toast the event with Chainsaw and GirlGeek. Those two along with Wolfman and Susan Sturgis are now family.

Everyone was having fun, and it was great to see people that didn't know each other bonding and enjoying life. We even caught my Dad doing some sort of dance.. or something..



We gained more people throughout the afternoon and evening, and no one was allowed to leave without a full belly, and certainly not before signing the wall. I was going to paint the wall leading to the porch entrance, but decided to wait and have everyone grab a marker and sign their names. I am not sure what to do now, as I will kinda feel guilty to paint over it.


All in all, it was a wonderful day. Nothing exceptional, except for the people involved. No major stories to tell, but many memories to keep.

Ok.. Maybe one story. Wolfman couldn’t make the ride because of his job, but thankfully came to the house right after his shift. When he knocked on the door, Mom Debbie answered the door asking for Inch. Mom Debbie is not into the computer world very much, and even less so into the internet- so she really had no idea of what this man asking for Inch meant. Someone overheard and yelled to let him in. Later, Debbie confessed to not knowing what the man asking for ‘Pick Stick’ wanted.

LMAO! Pick Stick! Ok, I guess you gotta know mom Debbie to understand, so I guess I was right when I said no major stories.

An apology here for the poor writing of this post and the descriptions to a simply glorious day. I had a shitty day but felt it was better to get something up sooner than later.

To close this extremely short version of a day which is one of my greatest days ever, I’d like reflect on what Momma Inch put on ‘the wall’. “You’re always in our hearts, but now we’re always in your house!” All those that participated in the ‘Bike-B-Que’ will always be in my heart. I thank everyone for allowing me to honor them and give back a day of fun and friendship for all that you have done for me and my family.

Anyone for a Bike-B-Que ‘08’?

Click to see pics hosted at Chainsaw's site

Click to see Lysa's Photoshow setup of pics. Chainsaw, notice the border..

A Triumph -no, not a brand of motorcycle..

Wednesday, July 18th 2007 was a great day. The following Friday was even better.

I was nervous and apprehensive. Lysa had urged me on for the last few weeks, and had become more insistent the days leading up to this. Since day one when I woke up in the hospital I missed my bike. I missed riding, my friends and the freedom. At that time my longing wasn’t a problem, getting healthy and returning home to my family was. Regardless of what was happening at any given time, no matter the situation, I found myself not only wishing to be able to stand and hug my loved ones, but to be able to get back into the wind. I wasn’t dead, and neither was my spirit.

I became determined to get back to living, and living my way. My parents taught me to never give up and I have always been a fighter. So I pushed myself hard, probably too hard at times, but I pushed until I knew I was back. But still, the longing lingered.

Lysa could see through everything I was doing and knew I was becoming depressed. Yes, I was more functional after all the therapy, and yes, since the company waited for me I was able to return to my job but although both were huge accomplishments my sadness was somehow increasing.

So after much pushing and shoving, my loving wife finally hit me with a baseball bat and forced me to go looking for a new ride. I knew she was right, and although money was tight I looked nervously for a nice used bike. Hell, I even looked at imports. (Don’t be mad.. I was desperate!) But Lysa finally banged it home. She said “You didn’t have a used bike before the accident, you shouldn’t ride one after.” That was it. On Wenesday I found the bike I wanted for so long in a 2007 model Harley-Davidson Street Glide - and got it at a nice price from Mike’s Famous. Yep, the king of High Prices swore me a good deal after the accident (I think it was both the cane and Lysa helping me walk shortly after the accident that made him do it) and he stuck to his word. I knew what price they would do, and told Lysa to negotiate it down to it for me, and man, was she ever proud.

After a longggg Thursday and an even longer Friday, the time had arrived. The wife and I trekked over to Mike’s for the pickup, and knowing the situation well enough that I might get a bit emotional they allowed me to get the bike out back instead of out front in case I got emotional, or had a total-mind explosion or forgot how to ride or whatever. When I first threw my leg over, I did indeed need a moment. The time I was aware in the hospital flashed before me, the tears of family and friends, every ounce of pain, and then the joy of smiles and laughter when I was feeling better and eventually discharged. Getting home with my family in-tow and being more determined to get better. That damned bag and tube I had to empty and clean every day. The joy of walking down the hallway after it was removed. Every single hug and kiss I received from my wife, mother and mother in-law. All of it, all at once, and I couldn’t go anywhere. But dammit, this was my day, and for once, the good guy won. Start the damned bike!

I did, and I smiled. I smiled, laughed and had a tear. Just one tear thought.. I was at a Harley dealer, can’t get caught crying there. So I pulled out front where my wife was ready with her camera, shooting a little video of me, all smiles. When she hugged me, I felt all was right, and I was indeed doing the right thing.

The bike is a little top-heavy compared to my old Wide Glide, and a shorter rake out didn't help in adjusting to the new ride. But once I got through the first couple turns I relaxed a little and was able to enjoy the ride. Much more comfortable, and easier on my bad back. Even the short time Lysa has had on the bike had her giving praise. A fancy radio which I swore I would never want, or at the most barely use, actually grew on me within the first 10 minutes. I thought it would be distracting but it only adds to the experience.

For so many reasons, I grinned the entire ride home.

'Angry Inch's First Annual Bike-B-Que' -Last Call!!!

Yes- it's here!

Anyways, Saturday, August 4th is 'Angry Inch's First Annual Bike-B-Que'!

Here is the short version, I need sleep!

Because of all the love and help that was shown to me and my family during my accident and subsequent recovery, I want to pass on the love by doind a ride and BBQ. Nothing major, a handful of bikes will be meeting at Chez Del Diner on Route 13 about 10am. From there, a leisurely ride down 9 to Sambo's near Dover for a quick pit stop and drink, eat, smoke and stretch. Return trip much of the same, except for a stop at the world famous Augustine Inn near Augustine Beach. (I am going to do some recon work to find out if the old mini-amusement park is still back in the woods.)

We should return to my home by 3, where we will meet up with non-riders to turn up some tunes, fire up the grill and knock back some cold ones. Family, friends, neighbors, friends of friends, whatever amd whoever.

It's not for charity. Ain't a holiday. Not even a party. It's a celebration. A celebration of the life that I was granted to continue living after many, many people prayed for me and luckily, God was listening and took their wishes into consideration. Anyway, it's a celebration of life, time to be with those we care about, time to reflect on what's good in life, and time to EAT.

Chainsaw, my Ride Capt. for the trip has also graciously volunteered to handle the grill so I can mingle and make sure everyone is comfortable and enjoying themselves. If you are coming, I can't wait to see ya. If you wanna come, come on!

I am already planning the 2nd annual..

Jedzą i cieszą się!

Delaware's PATHETIC Governor

In the Sunday, July 15th edition of The News Journal, they continued an ongoing series concerning alleged abuse and other troubles happening at the Delaware State Hospital. I am not very fond of many politicians at any level, but Delaware's own Ruth Ann Minner showed her complete ignorance towards the people of this state when she was interviewed for this article.

Here are 2 of her comments, and how sad it is that I only need to post her words and nothing else from the article to see such a blatant case of disregard.

"We have nothing to base any kind of investigation on, except a newspaper article," the governor said.

Isn't this enough? People are reporting rape, beatings and vandalism, yet this is not enough to warrant an investigation?

"If they're willing to stay there and continue to work and accept the abuse, that's their problem," Minner said.

WHAT? You have got to be kidding me. She shouldn't even make it to office on Monday with comments as such. She should have been thrown ot long ago, but even the blindest of those who aren't looking have got to have upset stomachs after reading that bullshit.

I'm so pissed right now, I can't even continue.

Here is the article if you care to peruse.

http://www.delawareonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070715/NEWS/707150377

1st week back to work, Upcoming Ride/BBQ

Well, I have been getting a few of the hopsital bills for a few weeks now. A few hundred here, a couple grand there, nothing truly astonishing. That is, until today.

$151,233.25

I'm not worried about it as they were kind enough to send the bill to the insurance company first. It was a major relief to see they paid $180.00 towards it.

It would have sucked being responsible for the entire amount.

ANYWAY.. I returned to work this week, and admittedly I am exhausted, but this was a HUGE step to things getting back to normal. Now, I won't tell you how pissed-off the place made me, but for selfish personal reasons I'm glad I made it.

To further celebrate, I've set up a ride and BBQ for Saturday, August Fourth, to show many deserving folks some big love. At this point, the ride selection is down to 2 possible routes which start at Mike's Famous , with a BBQ takeoff of approximately 3pm at my house. I have not invited many people, it's mainly word of mouth and those I have invited may bring whomever they wish.

If you are interested in the ride, BBQ, or both with good food, great people and cold drinks, email me and we'll set ya up.

Finally

I sent this out via email and posted it at various forums as well. I hope not to be redundant, but careful to ensure I reach everyone that it should. It speaks for itself.



Finally,

-After the accident.
-After some inconsiderate person chose to not give full attention to the road.
-After scaring my wife, family, loved-ones and friends.
-After being either in a medically-induced coma or as close as could be for a 3 week period.
-After talking to numerous people over that 3 week period with no recollection.
-After experiencing a constant nightmare during those 3 weeks.
-After being visited by death twice.
-After having Last Rights read twice.
-After waking up after 3 weeks, to have my wife right there.
-After falling on my face the first time I tried to walk.
-After realizing I could have died.
-After realizing I could still die.
-After dreaming of going home, but somehow the home in my dream wasn’t mine.
-After yelling out in frustration at my family and friends.
-After removing all the hoses and wires then search for a doctor while in the coma, then needing 4 nurses to wrestle me into bed.
-After the Code Blue because a blood clot nearly suffocated me, which prompted the tube removal and wresting match.
-After being happy to hear my release date, then find I had a procedure on my liver that day instead.
-After being forgiven by my very understanding family and friends for yelling at them.
-After all the prayers, thoughts, and well wishes from so many.
-After apologizing to God for remembering him only now.
-After the joy of leaving the hospital, and the happiness my heart felt walking into my home surrounded by family.
-After learning the fluid in my chest had become infected.
-After having physically painful flashbacks of the nightmares I had.
-After the agony of rehab.
-After the pain.
-After the self-pity.
-After the anger.
-After the worry.
-After the tears.
-After getting the drainage tube removed.
-After being able to do basic activities by myself.
-After the triumph of passing all the physical exams.
-After feeling healthier, and generally feeling well.
-After realizing there are many who love me, and many I love.
-After making new friends, and making old friends better.

After all of that, and paperwork, and pills, and exercise and more and more and more, finally, I return to work on Monday! Yea! It took almost 5 months, and while I am honestly not 100% healthy, I think I can officially say I'M BACK!

Thanks to everyone for everything. This has been a tough period for me and without your love and encouragement I would never have come so far with such positive results. My mind is constantly racing as it keeps all of you in my thoughts.

I’m not sure what else to say, but all of my love to all of you, and again..

Thanks.

Mike

Sigh..

I am writing this to get ‘it’ out. So please excuse any grammatical errors.

So, where to start?

Ok, here. I am more depressed right now than I have ever been, and that is pretty bad. I’ve been fighting it by trying to keep busy, and as I got worse, I tried working harder. Combined with major insomnia from my hospital stay and I am struggling.

I might be able to return to work soon. I thought I did rather well on my recent ‘Functional Capacity Exam’ but I am still waiting to hear if the insurance company deems my current state permissible. Even if they OK it, I still need acceptance from the local management. But in my current frame of mind I am worried that I won’t be able to perform.

It’s not one thing making me nutty, it’s a culmination. Obviously, I miss my bike. Hearing the rumble of passing pipes is tough. The freedom of the ride and talking with other riders are things immensely enjoyed. Not working is hard- very hard. After rehabbing to the point where I could manage most basic tasks alone I enjoyed being home every day. But I started feeling like I wasn’t doing anything to bring home the bacon which helps create stress over money. I get 60% from disability and Lysa has returned to work, but that missing 40% is tougher to deal with than I first thought. The list could go on, but I just don’t feel like it.

I started painting the porch as a project to help me keep sane and help rebuild my strength and stamina. Once underway I began to realize how much work was ahead, and almost everyday a new surprise was sprung. The ‘to-do’ list grew, and the heat was on, literally. The porch has a 10’ ceiling, and it collects heat. It was so much fun repairing a 15’ long crack before I could paint it during the hottest week thus far. (The medications I am on make me sweat from scratching my nose, so you can imagine how sweaty I was.) I started pushing harder just wanting to get done. A good bit of work is still needed but since most of the painting is finished it’s almost ready to put the furniture back and do some of the projects later.

Sorry to get off track there, I am not one to ramble. But I have so much going on in my head and can’t get my mind to stop racing. It’s starting to take a toll on family and friends, since lately I have become a little withdrawn. I don’t want to interact with people at the moment, as I would just be distant, and my greetings hollow. I don’t mean to push anyone away, so please, a little patience would be appreciated.

As time rolls on..

I've been painting the porch for the past week and probably still have at least another week to go. We decided white paint with hunter green trim would look nice, but painting on old, dried-out panelling that needed a bit of patching is tough as the paint just gets sucked right up. Ah, it'll look good when it's done. Getting up and down the ladder hasn't been the easiest thing, but it's been great exercise and awesome therapy.

But I want to get back to work, and soon! I don't know if my old company intends to hire me back or not, but the more time that passes, the likelihood subsides. They won't let me return until a doctor says I can lift 50 pounds. I know I can, but I need official paperwork so I have a strength test on June 12th to hopefully rectify this situation. Four hours long. Yep, FOUR HOURS. Hell, I ain't doing a damned thing the day before and will probably need a week off afterward!

If it gets me where I want to be, I'm all for it.

I'm ready, let's go

On February 11th, 2007 I was involved in an accident, as a truck pulled out in front of me without looking. I was badly injured with a grade 4 laceration on liver, a bunch of broken ribs, minor brain injury and various other cuts, bumps and bruises. I could have very easily died right then, and various times in the hospital but not to worry, the driver of the truck was cited – he was given a Right of Way violation which carries a fine of $50.00 or less.

I woke up 3 weeks later, with no recollection of the accident. The entire time I was in my coma-like state I suffered non-stop nightmares that were likely coinciding with all the strong medications and the various complications and procedures I was going through. One night I had a blood clot leave my liver and got into my lung making it hard to breathe. While I have no memory of this because of all the drugs, I was still able to know I needed help. I tore the tubes from my leg, chest, throat and my privates and headed down the hospital hallways for help. Even though I had lost 41 pounds, it took 6 people to restrain me and get me strapped into bed. I couldn’t wait to get out, and I left the hospital about a week after I awoke to start finishing recovery and rehab at home.

I must stop for just a moment and give thanks, as many are due. Thanks to the hospital staff, for keeping me alive and as comfortable as possible. Thanks to Mom and Dad, for visiting might after night and making sure I ate, and giving the love only parents can give. Thanks to my brother Chris who made me stick my tongue out to take a picture to remind me how cute I looked the day after the accident. Thanks to Chainsaw and Girl Geek, who put out a nationwide call to all bikers about my incident resulting in bazillion cards, then brought them in for me to open. It was simply awesome to open all of them and see so many wishes of support, from people I have never met. Thanks to Susan Sturgis who brought me a new Ride Bell, in hopes my Guardian Angel will continue to ride by my side. Thanks to the Christian Bikers who came in often to pray for me and my family, as their words gave strength and comfort to all and helped me re-establish a connection with God. And a giant group thank you to everyone mentioned and all my family, friends and coworkers for the visits, kind words and prayers. There were so many people around me giving me support, and for that, I thank you. I never realized how many caring people I had in my life. In more ways than one I am a very lucky man.

But my biggest thanks go to my wife, Lysa. Her loving determination alone could have kept me alive. She kept her wits, and stayed focused. She kept both my hands and my heart warm. We both thank all of you for the tremendous support and love Lysa received as well. I am fortunate to have her, and we are both privileged to have so many.

Tuesday, May 8th I had the drain removed from my chest cavity so I no longer have to carry that percutaneous drain around like a fashion accessory and now only have a hole in my side that should heal in a month. My doctor said returning to work should not be a problem- with a lifting restriction of 20 pounds which is causing a problem with my employer’s insurance company. They say I should be able to lift 50 before I can return, but that could be a month, maybe even longer. Returning to work would be a huge mental lift, as money is getting tight since short-term disability doesn’t pay that much and Lysa didn’t go to her job for a few months, instead working for me tending to my needs.

Now I am doing chores and pushing myself a little further each day to build stamina. Not getting into bed as often can be tough. (Yes Lysa and Mom, I still get rest as I need to.) But my brain has cleared the fog and the pain is not constant, at least at the moment.

Life is waiting for me and I am extremely ready to see it again.

For starters..

What is this page about? Whatever can be thought of and then add a little more. General thoughts, complaints, rants, maybe some raves about politics, work, motorcycling, computers.. whatever. I've found myself short of a place to get things off my chest then wind up at various forums in order to get it all out. I try to get each topic in a pertenant place, but here I can say whatever, whenever without posting on another site where it may not belong.

Please, feel free to comment on anything, I love a great discussion and love learning the viewpoint of others. But please keep the language appropriate, as many folks from various walks of life will visit - but always say what you mean. If you are not comfortable posting your thoughts in public feel free to email me.