I am writing this to get ‘it’ out. So please excuse any grammatical errors.
So, where to start?
Ok, here. I am more depressed right now than I have ever been, and that is pretty bad. I’ve been fighting it by trying to keep busy, and as I got worse, I tried working harder. Combined with major insomnia from my hospital stay and I am struggling.
I might be able to return to work soon. I thought I did rather well on my recent ‘Functional Capacity Exam’ but I am still waiting to hear if the insurance company deems my current state permissible. Even if they OK it, I still need acceptance from the local management. But in my current frame of mind I am worried that I won’t be able to perform.
It’s not one thing making me nutty, it’s a culmination. Obviously, I miss my bike. Hearing the rumble of passing pipes is tough. The freedom of the ride and talking with other riders are things immensely enjoyed. Not working is hard- very hard. After rehabbing to the point where I could manage most basic tasks alone I enjoyed being home every day. But I started feeling like I wasn’t doing anything to bring home the bacon which helps create stress over money. I get 60% from disability and Lysa has returned to work, but that missing 40% is tougher to deal with than I first thought. The list could go on, but I just don’t feel like it.
I started painting the porch as a project to help me keep sane and help rebuild my strength and stamina. Once underway I began to realize how much work was ahead, and almost everyday a new surprise was sprung. The ‘to-do’ list grew, and the heat was on, literally. The porch has a 10’ ceiling, and it collects heat. It was so much fun repairing a 15’ long crack before I could paint it during the hottest week thus far. (The medications I am on make me sweat from scratching my nose, so you can imagine how sweaty I was.) I started pushing harder just wanting to get done. A good bit of work is still needed but since most of the painting is finished it’s almost ready to put the furniture back and do some of the projects later.
Sorry to get off track there, I am not one to ramble. But I have so much going on in my head and can’t get my mind to stop racing. It’s starting to take a toll on family and friends, since lately I have become a little withdrawn. I don’t want to interact with people at the moment, as I would just be distant, and my greetings hollow. I don’t mean to push anyone away, so please, a little patience would be appreciated.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Sigh..
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2 comments:
You best be hydrating yourself regulary there Inch - especially in this kinda heat we're having this week.
I now that it's easier said than done but, ignore them pipes blasting by.
Turn on some tunes while you paint.
This won't last forever.
When you're ready and able to start seriously shopping for a scoot, we have a bro named Tim that is THE biggest wheeler dealer I have ever seen and we will put him "on the case"
Bopper (Bopperhd@comcast.net) is in almost the same boat as you. He hears the scooters blasting by his house daily and it's been killing his soul as he had to sell his Electra Glide to get into another home for his family. Recently, someone gave him a Kawasaki 440 that needs some mechanical work done to it and he may fix it up and sell it as a "first rider's" bike and probably double his money while he waits on a settlement.
Tell Bop I wish him all the best. Doing the right thing is tough sometimes.
I am just about ready to shop, unless I get too damned jumpy and just go get the SG. Reason is, I dropped off my Functional Capacity Evaluation at the office, and the insurance company says it's ok for me to return to work as long as I get this form filled out by the doctor.
Now that still does not mean I am returning to work, just medically cleared and approved from the ins. co.- I still need management to say 'yes'. After the talk I had today, I get the feeling that everything is gonna be ok. I told Lou @ Mike's that I would be down the night after my first day. I'm gonna wait and actually shop first just to make sure 'the one' isn't out there, or try and get 'the one' if it is.
The porch is just about done, at least to the point where I can start planning for bbq's or whatever. I really hope ya'll can make it.
When I do get the next ride, the first round after is on me- as long as someone picks up the round after. Just kidding.
Much love, thanks for the words.
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